


Misery

by Imagine_Mem



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Death, Drug Abuse, F/M, Prostitution, Sex Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 19:38:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imagine_Mem/pseuds/Imagine_Mem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry took up the habit of late night walks and cigarettes. It had been going on for a while now, but this night is different. He meets a prostitute, but she turns out to be an old friend that flips his world upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leaving

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off a song that I wrote. I will place the lyrics here, though they are not very good. Mainly it's about a girlfriend leaving her boyfriend for her friends to do drugs and she overdoses. . . yeah bit eerie in a way. 
> 
> Leaving
> 
> I'm sorry I'm leaving  
> I know you'll be grieving  
> But I have to go  
> Although
> 
> I'll still care for you  
> And it was all true  
> But I can't stay  
> Come what may (I can't stay)
> 
> I left you for them  
> And it turned out to be grim  
> But I had to go  
> Although
> 
> I still care for you  
> And it was true  
> But I can't stay  
> Come what may (I can't stay)
> 
> Long ago I left  
> I still have a case of heart theft  
> But I had to go  
> Although
> 
> I still love you  
> And it's still true  
> But I couldn't stay  
> Come what may (Goodbye forever)

I walked down the street, my left hand in my pocket, right holding a cigarette. I blew smoke from my mouth, letting it drift away into the breeze. I approached a young girl, her eyes a dull dark grey. Her iris was barely showing from behind her blown pupils. I recognized this girl, from somewhere, I couldn't quite recall right now. I noticed I was staring at her, mentally taking in her appearance. She wore a dress, short and dark red, and a black jacket hanging off her small frame. She was sickly skinny, her ankles looking as though they'd snap if she stood any longer.

" Do you need something ? I'll do anything you like, " she whispers, walking closer to me. My breath hitched, causing me to choke slightly on the smoke. I look back teary eyed. She laughs, taking my hand, trying to pull me away, but I pull back.

She falls back into my arms. She struggles to stand, shivering in my arms against the cold, and coughing.

" You need to come with me. I need to take you to a doctor, " I say frantically, as her eyelids almost close. They pop back open quickly, looking around frantically.

" No ! You can't I'm fine. Just leave me alone, if you don't want anything then get going, " she says, rudely sitting back up, and attempting to push herself up off the ground.

" Fine then ! How much is it for a night ? "

A wicked grin spread across her face and she looked me up and down. I was surprised my lame attempt as an angry customer worked.

" Make me an offer, " she slurred into my ear. I gripped her upper arm pulling her off the ground.

" Just come with me. "

I tried to hide into the shadows of night, hoping no one would see me. If word got around I was with a prostitute late at night there would be no fixing it, even if I was only helping her. We walked to the front door of my flat and I pulled a set of keys out of my pocket.

" This is your flat ? Why do you need me, you should have a great girlfriend, " she asked, doe-eyed, looking around the flat from the doorway. I ushered her in, slamming the door behind her.

" Eager, are we, " she asked, and her body was pressed against mine. She kissed my neck roughly, leaving love bites up and down my neck. I gasped, staring down at her wide eyed, and shoved her away.

" What is it ? "

" Nothing. It's just I didn't bring you here for that. I know you from . . . somewhere. I don't do this. Ever, " I exclaim, throwing myself against the wall.

" Then I'm leaving ! "

" No, " I start, grabbing her hands, " Stay with me. "

" I don- "

I rested my finger over her mouth. She sucked her bottom lip, staring down at my finger. I pulled it back.

" You said you'd do anything I liked and right now I'd like for you to just stay here with me. "

" F-fine, " she stutters, falling into my arms. Her body heaves with sobs, as she clutches to me. I slipped my arm behind her knees, pulling her feet from under her.

*Next Morning*

I slipped from bed, leaving her alone and I walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge to see what we would eat. I hear footsteps plodding into the kitchen.

" Morning, " I greet, smiling and leaning forward, bracing myself on my hands.

" Morning, " she whispers, confused, " Did we . . . "

" Nah. "

" Good, Harry, it'd be weird sleeping with you after it's been so long, " she says, smiling at me. I laugh smiling back, before my smile falls from my face, giving her a double take.

" What ? "

" Don't you recognize me ? It's me, Harriet, " she says, striding closer. I back up against the counter, she still walks closer to me.

" What's wrong, Harry ? "

" Everyone said you were dead. I- your just - "

Tears well up in her eyes and her body crumples to the floor. I slowly slide off the counter, inching closer to her. I fall down beside her, gathering her in my arms, rocking her.

" Sh. Don't cry. I'm sorry. I love you. Just - "

I stopped myself short, gasping at my own words. I had not seen this girl since I was fifteen and yet I still loved her ? Everything stops, I no longer feel her body convulse.

" Y-you what, " she asks, not daring to look up at me. I look back down to her.

" I said . . . I love you, " I manage, pulling her down, tightly against me. She attempts to wiggle free, failing to pry my, much stronger, arms from around her.

" No, Harriet. I loved you. I still love you. Please, just stay with me. Just - please, " I swallow back the old, unfallen, tears. Those tears were from her. I'd hidden them away until I had to meet her again. Until I had to start smoking and going for midnight walks.

" Harry, I can't believe this, but, I don't remember how to love. I don't know how to feel. I don't even remember what feelings are. I just- I can't- I don't feel anymore, " she says hurriedly, her eyes now a beautiful blue gray, but still filled with tears.

" I'll show you. I'll teach you. I'll make you, " I promise her, nodding.

" You can't. People have tried before, " she cried. I looked down at her.

" But those people weren't me, " I say, kissing her trembling lips. Her hands find my neck, pulling me to her.

" I-i don't know what to say. I'm not good for you, Haz, " I flinch at the use of my old nickname from her, " I'm going to hurt you. Get you mixed up in things you don't want. I want to stay, but my life is out there. Intermingled with drugs and strange men. "

" You can leave it all behind. Just leave it. Ignore it all. Ignore the pain. The horror. The anger. The addiction, " I end whispering, my voice scratchy and strained. I was hoarse from crying, my head hurt and my back ached from being bent in such a position.

" I can't though. It's something I can't ignore. It's there always. "

" Tell me what you want more. Drugs or this, " I asked, pulling her to me and planting a long kiss on her chapped lips. We pulled back, slightly out of breath.

" I want to say that, but I can't, " she says, slinking out of my arms. I stand to follow her, but she rests a hand on my chest.

" No, I don't want this for you, " she says and with that leaves the room. I let the, once trapped, tears flow down my face, turning to look out the window above the sink.

" Look, I really want to catch up Haz- Harry, so I'll call you when you can come over. You will come over, yeah ? "

" Yeah, " I turn to face her, taking a slip of paper from her. I grab her arms and pull her into my arms.

" I'm going to miss you so much, Harriet. "

" I'll miss you too, Hazza, " she says, and pulls away. She walks nearly out of the room, but turns back to me giving me a salute and leaving my flat laughing. I chuckle lightly.

 

*2 Weeks Later*

 

I walked to down the street, smoking, the cigarette held firmly between my pointer finger and middle finger. I looked to my left, watching the cars drive by. I spotted a run down little flat building. It was brick, but had spray paint in an array of colors. I walked into the building and walked up the stairs not bothering to tell anyone who I was or what I was here for.

I walked to her door, knocking lightly. I wait. No answer. Knock, knock, knock. Wait. No answer. KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. Wait. No answer. I jiggle the doorknob, frantically, only to find it locked. I began think of a way to in. I quickly turn, running down the stairs to the main desk. The man grunts at my presence.

" Can I get a key to number three ? "

" Are you a resident ? "

" No, " I answer slowly.

" Are you family. "

" No, " I answer in the same dull tone.

" Then no key, " he states, matter-of-factly. I scoff, then go back to the foot of the stairs.

" Fine ! I'll just break it down, " I say smiling and the guy waves his hand at me. As I sprint up the stairs I hear him yell 'You break it, you buy it' but I could care less.

I backed up the other side of the hall, kicking the door hard with the flat of my foot. I loud bang came from the door. Again, I kick it. The door flies open. I look around the room, clothes are lying all over the place, makeup cases and lipstick tubes, and small bags. I sigh confused as to why there are so many bags. I look through all the rooms, the last being the bathroom.

I peer in, seeing nothing, I push the door open more revealing a bathtub. A muffled cry leaves my mouth, as Harriet's naked body comes into full view. An arm hangs over the side, a small pile of bags laying there.

On her arms is written, on the right 'Things I could' and on the left 'Things I couldn't'. I look to the left, trying to hold back my cries. My angry screams to the world. To the people that allowed this to happen. At her. At myself for letting her leave that day. Everything. A piece of paper blows off the counter landing at my feet. I squat down, resting my elbows on my knees and picking the letter up.

Dear reader,  
I hate to inform you the worst in life has gotten to me. You may be upset, you may not. If this is not Harry, he'll be here soon give this to him.  
If this is Harry, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I caused you to have feelings for me all those years ago. I'm sorry I found you that night and did what I did. I'm sorry I had to remind you who I was. I'm sorry for everything I caused. Every feeling. Screw up. Mistake. Pain. Sorrow. Hurt. I'm sorry.  
I love you. I can't express it. I know you love me. Over these two weeks, you've taught me to love again. You showed me what it was to feel again. You brought back that loved, warm, fuzzy feeling. You brought back the smiles. Laughter. But mostly, love.  
You showed me better things in life. But I couldn't walk away from this one. I'm broken. Angry. Confused at life. I can't walk away. I would have never gotten over this addiction. It's crazy, I know but as much sh*t as it's caused me I could never leave it. This is all I've known and all I ever will know.  
Years ago, those feelings, they were real. That's the me I want you to remember. I want you to remember me loved, happy, and passionate about everything I did, Don't remember me as this.  
Goodbye for now,  
Sincerely,  
Harriet Victorea Llewellyn

Tears slide off my face, hitting the paper and causing the ink to become cloudy. The paper falls from my hands, as sobs rack my body roughly. I brace myself on the floor with my hands, crying so much the tears are causing a small puddle under my face.

My voice becomes hoarse, my head hurts, and I feel as it I will be sick.

How could she do this ? How could she do it to herself ? To me ? To her family ? Why would she ? I could've helped her. If she'd only let me. I should have made her. I should have forced her to stay, made her go to a doctor, rehab, everything. She would have been fine.

I imagined us dating. Married. With children. I imagined us growing old together. Buying a house in the country, sitting on the porch cuddled in a large chair or swing. Watching the sun go down, and listening to out grandchildren playing out in the yard.

It was all ruined. Just because I let her slip away. I crawl over to her, sobs still barreling from my body. I grabbed her hand and kissed every inch of it.

" I'm sorry, for not helping you, " I cry, tears falling onto her hands and rolling off her fingers, " I'm, just, so, sorry. "


	2. Slipped Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Avril Lavigne - Slipped Away
> 
> The story was based mainly off this song, originally being called this but someone inspired me to write another part titled this and to title the other after my own song.

I stared at the wall. Blank and lifeless. It was not alive, it had no soul. No feelings, not a heart. It couldn't fall in love with anything. How I longed to be it. How I longed to pull the dagger from my aching heart, only to bleed out. To feel nothing.

Not pain. Not anger. Not confusion. My vision blurred as thoughts of Harriet came to my mind. I miss you. I thought it as if she could hear me. I wished, and hoped somehow, she could hear me. I remembered her death quite well. How could I not ?

It's not every day the love of your life kills herself. Only leaving you a note. Usually it was girls that knew they were merely a one night stand, leaving notes of numbers or emails in case I wanted to keep in touch. They deep down knew they meant nothing other than pleasure.

I suppose that's how Harriet felt. She was a lonely, needy man's last resort. A meaningless one night while his wife was on a vacation or visiting family. Maybe a night with someone after years of being lonely. For all she had known she could have torn families apart. She could have helped some people. Maybe some wished it wasn't meaningless.

Maybe one of them out there wished, like me, that she could have felt and loved. Possibly someone who loved her more than me.

I recalled the many times I had seen her. The times I had taken her out. I taught her how to act around people instead of throwing herself at them. I showed her what it was to be lavished with gifts. What it would be like if she had dated me.

I bought her new clothes. I gave her money. I tried to get her to stop taking them. It was them that cause this all. It was her parents fault too. If her parents hadn't kicked her out when she was young this never would have happened. I would've went on believing she was dead, not thinking of her, not loving her.

I looked down, fiddling with my hands in my lap, attempting not to cry. Though I failed, the tears falling freely down my face. I had never gotten to say goodbye. She was already gone when I arrived. I wasn't there to hold her, as her body went cold, as she was suddenly rethinking at the last minute. Most of all, I wasn't there to comfort her in her last moments. I wasn't there to hold and kiss her hands, her soul slipping into numbness, into I assumed white. The bright light at the end of the dark tunnel.

If only I could see her again. Tell her I'm sorry for not trying harder. For not telling her it would all be alright. I know I can't, making the tears fall down my face faster.

I fell to my knees, a hand reaching to grip the hair on the very back of my head. I felt there was a wall I was trying to tear down. Something was keeping me from my love. It felt good to cry and to think about this. Like waking up from a nightmare. But it wasn't a nightmare it was reality, I would have to face it, without her.

I would live my life without her. The one thing I needed. She was stronger than me. If I were her, I'd be stronger, I wouldn't be sitting on the floor crying as if it would bring anyone back. Maybe a small part in my mind still believed, if I shed enough tears she'd reappear.

I should've driven there. I may have been able to save her. But instead I walked. I was an idiot, and I walked. It happened so suddenly. I was so wrapped up in her and she just passed by. She just up and left from my life. From hers. From the world.

I couldn't bring her out of that life. I couldn't bring her from the strange men, long nights, and drugs. I couldn't do it. I was a failure. I needed and wanted her so badly and I couldn't save her. I couldn't convince her.

Now, I am very sure it would never be the same. Tears fell, sobs racked my body, and I could care less. I would never see her. Hold her. Kiss her. Smell that perfume, that filled the room when she walked in. 

I looked around the room. Some of her things were still here. A jumper here, a pair of shoes there. A scarf was tied around my bedpost. It finally hit me that nothing would ever go back to normal. I would always hurt. I would always long for her. I would always be this far away from her.

I looked around unsure of what to do. I whispered into the silence:

 

" I miss you. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback would be beautiful.


End file.
